Giving Juan His Myspace Space (not exactly willingly)

This happened a few weeks ago, but, as I explained in Are you there God, it's me Ho(rgaret)I want to blog about it before the tumor of the memory of Juan is totally removed from my... I dunno. I want to say heart, but there's no such thing as heart cancer, is there? And also, that sounds so dramatic. So we'll say elbow.

The whole time I was with Juan, I was aware that there was someone else. Call it a woman's intuition. I'll admit it. I was jealous. I was jealous because I knew that while he was flakey with me, Juan was very committed and responsible when it came to another relationship. While we would have to meet up after he got out of work at midnight, I knew, somehow, he was making time for his other relationship. And I knew that when I was away, he was spending a lot of time there, he was visiting regularly, in fact, every day I think. And while he was an emotional roller coaster and a mess with me, when it came to the other woman, Juan was clearly making great efforts to be open and communicative about what he was feeling and what was on his mind. It was so hard knowing that I could never compete with Juan's real interest: his MySpace page. I mean he was so dedicated to that page. Wild horses couldn't keep him away from it. He was obsessed, I would say, and always updating his photos, his moods, his skins. Readers know, that Juan's MySpace was a very sacred space for him. [See MySpace or Your's?, and red flag: inappropriate social networking site pages]. If anything ever happened to Juan, you better believe he would document it on his MySpace page. And because Juan is so in tune with his his MySpace, his page is a reliable source for reconnaissance work Remember, from his MySpace page alone I was able to get the slam dunk intelligence confirming my suspicion that Juan was trying to get back with his ex.

So I was pretty good about not respecting Juan's MySpace space. I didn't stalk him or anything. Apparently people do. He once told me about a girl who stalked him and sent him pictures of her in underwear. HOT. But a few weeks ago, I had insomnia. And you know what they say, nothing cures restless mind syndrome quite like googling your ex at 4AM. So I did. And I soon came to regret it. Because guess what I saw? Or guess what I didn't see? His complete profile!. Low and behold, Juan's MySpace page was no longer pubic, but private! You could only see his mood. You couldn't see his profile or photos. I swear, I felt like it was a slap in the face. I felt like Juan was actually saying to me,

You need to give me my MySpace, stop stalking me. Stop spending so much time visiting my page. Why are you torturing yourself? You know our profiles aren't compatible. You know we don't have any MySpace friends in common. Go find yourself a new profile.

He probably just couldn't deal with all the stalkers who were stalking him. But at 4 in the morning I took it more personally. I also felt like a connection between us had been severed. I was no longer part of his private world. I was an outsider, I was excluded, I was marginalized. Maybe that was what helped me move on, though. Because I haven't been thinking about him. I'll miss those sexy bikini models. I can't believe I'll never see his kids (in photos) again. I feel like I was just getting to know them.

And then, as if that wasn't disorienting enough, I "stumbled upon" another shocker. You'll never guess I found next. But it's 1 in the morning, so I'll tell you tomorrow.