Love is Like Baseball/ Speaking Sportsese

I was talking to Amiri the other day. We're now at the stage where I feel comfortable complaining about how much guys such. And he feels comfortable giving me advice. Not surprisingly, he feels most comfortable talking in sports metaphors. That made our "processing," or... I don't know... scrimmaging, pretty interesting. Look at this real IM exchange and see how quickly he reverts into Legalese. Apparently I have to approach dating like baseball.

NB I have not changed this exchange at all. The proof is my embarrassingly bad spelling. But I'm putting in our real fake names, not our real real im names. So he's Amiri and I'm Ho. And my conversation with myself, i.e. my thoughts, are in italics. They, obviously, weren't recorded or exchanged in the im.

Amiri: not every guy works out*

[Duh. Thanks for saying AND showing me that]

Me: i'm joining a fucking convent
for real
i hope you'll visit me even though
you're not religious

Amiri: you have to approach this like a
business
can't overreact

Me: i know [I do?I know I have to approach it like a
business?]
whatever
ok
i think i'd look hot in a habit anyway [Looking at the
chalice 1/2 full. You go girl!]
i can get some hot priest
ass [Looking at the chalice 3/4 full now.]
but my heart will belong to the man upstairs

Amiri: if you played baseball that would help

[Here we go]

me: not everyone is a cool cucumber liike you [or has a
huge cucumber like you (:( I miss it)
Not everyone is repressed like you and can only communicate over
im's and through sports metaphors.]
why would baseball help? [I'll humor him]

Amiri: you can't get too high or too low

Me: ok
hablamos
tahnks for your
ear**
it's amazing how functioning it
is
considering its small size

Amiri: bye

* He meant works out as a boyfriend. Not works out as in exercises. It's ironic because he really DID workout, three times a day if he could. Not kidding.

**On our second date (our first real date) I complimented Amiri on his little ears. He reminded me that I had told him that last time. I didn't know that.