I'll Give You Your MySpace, But Don't Be all up in My Facebook

As fans know from reading Giving Juan His Myspace Space (not exactly willingly), a few weeks ago, during a bout of insomnia, I decided to troll the internet for traces of Juan. (Counting sheep does not hold a candle to stalking your ex. Ambien is great, but who wants midnight munchies?) Thus, at 4AM, I discovered that Juan ’s MySpace page was no longer public. I was in shock. MySpace isn't really my space. I have a page or whatever, but I don't spend a lot of time there. Since I was in unfamiliar territory, I decided I needed to see a familiar face, and logged onto Facebook. When Juan and I were dating, he told me he didn’t have a Facebook profile. In all fairness, his intimate relationship with MySpace took up a lot of his time. And starting something with Facebook would have been like cheating on MySpace. So Facebook isn't just a familiar place, but a safe space, a Juan-free refuge. On a whim, let’s call in women’s intuition, or whimin’s intuition, I decided to double check that Facebook was, indeed, still a safe haven. And as luck would have it, Juan had infiltrated Facebook. What the f? Why is he all up in my FaceBook? He needs to get out of my FaceBook? That’s mine. During the break up I should have stipulated that he get the MySpace, and I keep the Facebook. That’s only fair. And it’s much easier than split custody. I mean I guess he could get Facebook on weekends, but that just gets confusing. Juan, there's something called boundaries!

Speaking of boundaries, I have one more Juan-based anecdote I want to share. Check back tomorrow to see what I found out about Juan's ex and her butt.